I miss you

I found myself thinking about you the other day. Actually, what I discovered was that I hadn't thought about you in a long time and that those spaces had expanded considerably.

Sustained days, weeks? months? It caught me off guard.

It all happened while I was looking at my mountain trees and drinking coffee in my newly chosen house. Those perfect moments for low blows…

It was a huge surprise. It felt like a triumph for a woman who I am no longer now. A soft triumph, without any desire to win anything. One that doesn't make me happy but gives me peace.

Your memory made me remember you, but more so it made me remember myself.

I saw myself a few years ago, 1 and a half, almost 2. How time flies…

That woman from the past couldn't believe that today would come. Forgetting you was a long-held effort and now I discover that it has just ended. I didn't look for it, it just happened. Stopping thinking about you, forgetting you is impossible.

I felt a gentle peace in my soul, which of course does not erase the longing, nor the beautiful moments, nor the meaningless momentary desires to return to those bubbles suspended in time.

The moment that seemed endless ended, and I didn't realize until now that your face came randomly to my mind.

Do I miss you? You are no longer in my life. You, who were the most important thing for 4 years.

What do I miss? Maybe all those dreams and all the unbelievable expectations I put on you? Or those beautiful moments of love, of laughing together, of loving life? Feeling like I was on another planet, with more meaning.

What do I miss about you? You or myself? Who had I become because of your love? Love itself or that desire to feel that way again for someone?

It always leads to the same outcome. When I ask myself questions, I never find the answers my soul seeks. Fortunately, I don't look for them anymore. What would be the point?

After this I necessarily thought of you, of course, I am a human being.

I think I miss who you are, who you were, and how wonderful it made me feel to be with you. Just everything that happened before everything went to hell. Feeling almost like the happiest woman in the world.

Was it you? Was it me?

I send you love, always ♡

________________

“The first step is to recognize how selfish and self-centered you are.

Unless someone understands this truth well, he cannot escape from this madness of the Ego, which is self-love…

You will understand: Who do I love? Do I love someone because I expect something from that person? That he/she behaves the way I like? And the moment he/she starts behaving differently, all the love goes away? So do I really love that person or myself?

The answer will be clear, not by intellectualizing it but by meditating (or introspection) on oneself. Once you have this direct confirmation, you will begin to emerge from your selfishness. You will then learn to develop a true love for others, a love free of selfishness, a one-way street: giving without expecting anything in return. That is true love.

The art of living, S. N. Goenka.