Be

Sometimes we cry, we get depressed and we wish we were more normal. Other days we find the courage of the revolution and we spit in the face of stupidity with force. We both escape from the reality that is hard on us. Each one in his own way. He drinks every day, I run around looking for something. I still don't know what, but that doesn't stop me.

~ Moments intercalated in time ~

We were back together. He was constantly asking me for kisses. My head is going very fast, it doesn't stop and he gets scared easily. I told him to stop, not to ask me for kisses. It reminded me of what happened with my ex-boyfriend,

but I took the place of the bitch this time.

I thought I had the freedom to say how things are done. My opinions out loud. Who cares? When am I going to learn? As if I knew.

Can one repeat the same thing so much? Yes , of course! Karma, or unconscious.

What if this time you just learn to shut up?

I hurt his feelings without realizing it, as usual. Afterwards he kindly thanked me for my honesty. I begged him, crying, that I hoped to do him more good than harm.

I see the monster coming out again and it scares me. I can't be with anyone but myself. Maybe that's why I travel alone. I'm potentially dangerous. I know I'm not ready yet. I don't pretend to be.

One day I asked him for the truth and he pulled out the crudeness from his bag.

He told me exactly what I feared. Yes, those same ghosts are here again. Welcome! They were just hiding.

He looked at me as if everything I did was beautiful and perfect. He made me feel that way. Then I moved freely, as if everything I did was graceful. The way he looked at me was magical, and it made me magical. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever been looked at like this?

I would stay with his eyes on the nightstand, to look at myself like that,

how he looks at me

and feel strong like he sees me, every day.

We are different but similar. I think we suffer from the same thing.

At times we feel nothing. As if we were numb to worldly pleasures, we needed an overdose of something that made us vibrate. Whatever it is, but it had to be intense.

As if our battles were played out on another plane. As if we would never understand what life is or understand it too much,

so much that it hurts.

Sometimes we cry, we get depressed and we wish we were more normal. Other days we find the courage of the revolution and spit in the face of stupidity. We both escape from the reality that is hard on us. Each one in his own way. He drinks every day, I run around looking for something. I still don't know exactly what, but that doesn't stop me.

Suddenly we are on the beach, swimming in a blue sea and it seems like a Hollywood movie. Time to time my mind stops. Yes, it happens time to time.

Small seconds of happiness and calm, of admiring, of stopping thinking, of just enjoying that there is nothing else to think about, or that there is so much, but it just doesn't matter now. Those moments that tell you, without speaking, that if this were the end, everything you did was worth it. Even if it fades away, even if it's not eternal. Even if it's just to see this sea, to feel this sun, to admire the beauty of an instant, a joke or a look, which can be anything. To feel that for a second. Whatever it is and for it all to make sense.

Treat those seconds like they're gold, because they really are.